Temporary lapse

This is a bit of a tangent from the serious posts I've indulged in lately. I've tried to not get too personal but I'm afraid I'll have to break that trend in this post. I want to throw this out there before it's too late, before I lose these thoughts. Ignore this posts emotional content, if it begins to show.

I was the best man in a bachelor party last weekend for my best friend. He's a guy I've known since seventh grade and I really couldn't ask for a better friend. It happened a long way from home and I was pretty much disconnected from my life, as it is, from Wednesday night to Monday evening. This pretty much sets the stage. 4ish days filled with time spent solely preparing my best friend to, well, take another person as his best friend (that last bit isn't completely fair, I got married almost a year ago so I got my new best friend first). Every experience is a learning experience and I learned a number of things.

1. I hate how I've become so cut-off from my friends and, yet, I do nothing about it. That's not anything really new. I've known that for quite some time but this past weekend really brought to light how much I don't know about my friends when that distance begins to form. I become sad for the wasted time. I become jealous of the new relationships that form to take my place. I become estranged from this person that I've known for so long.
   
   It's so strange going back to people you've known but fallen out of touch with. It's like watching a movie that has the exact same cast as a movie I've seen before but the entire plot has changed and the characters, though similar because of the directors choice in typecasting the roles, have changed but only to fit with the plot itself. It doesn't feel right. It feels like I relive the same moments but, since I myself have changed so much since I saw the last film, I know that I can't relate in the same way as I did to those characters the first time around.
2. I take life way too seriously sometimes. After getting home and talking with my wife about this, I've come to the conclusion that I think way too much and I really need to start doing instead of thinking. I won't be the next Socrates or Kierkegaard or MLK but, while it's noble to die for a cause you believe in, I really don't need to be that guy who dies for it. I'm not saying that it's good to be completely lax in one's morals but, at the same time, if you don't have any fun, if you get no pleasure out of life, then, how have you lived? In all seriousness, how have I lived? I'll have to think about that question a little more.
3. I need to live more without preconceived judgments. There are times that I remember people for being saints and they're very much sinners. There are time that I remember people for the wrong they've caused me and they're actually very nice people. There are times that I remember people being really annoying and, after all these years, they've changed.
4. I am very self-destructive person. I internalize my anger and turn it into something that would destroy me before it hurt anyone else. While it's better than lashing out, it leads to inappropriate responses on my part.
    
5. I am fat and a lot less charming than I once was. I really need to do something about that. Also, I've been a big jerk to a number of people that I need to apologize for.
    
6. I am getting older. I'm not saying that I'm about to die. Hopefully, I still have some years ahead of me but I am getting older. Just seeing the wedding makes me think about how far things have come and what left there still is to do, what's still even possible. Things kinds of events put life into perspective.

Some great stuff did happen, don't get me wrong. These lessons aren't negative. At least, I don't view them as such. They're motivation to be a better person, which is something that I strive for.

At any rate, I began writing my next blog topic so that should be out within the next few days. I hope you like what comes of it.

PS. I now have a love/hate relationship with the phrase "Everyday, I'm shufflin'!"

Clockwork

I was unable to post last weekend because I was on a retreat and the weekend before that because I was sick but I'm sure all of my readers out there will understand. It was, however, a fortunate thing that I didn't write immediately because I was listening to Radio Lab a few days ago on KERA (Yes, I'm name dropping for the cause of public radio) and they had a program on about stochasticity, which my text editor is claiming to be a word that does not exist in the English language but, let me assure you, stochasticity is a word which means, essentially, randomness. Within the program, they began talking about what makes up our bodies, breaking it down to the microscopic level of genes that make protein and what scientists expected to find, but didn't (much to their chagrin), was that the genes would output protein in a relatively stable manner.

Even though this can be seen as destroying their original hypothesis, it brings up a good point. We, as humans, tend to put things in nice little packages. There are electrons, neutrons and protons, which are a part of atoms, which are a part molecules, which are a part of proteins, which are a part of humans, which are a part of civilizations, which are a part of the universe. It all scales up and down, seamlessly... well, almost. Asking the question "What makes up a human?" and expecting a full answer is a little far-fetched in our day and age. Similarly, asking "What makes up an atom?" won't probably get you the full answer you expect when you take into account the Heisenberg uncertainty principle. This leads me to my next assumption:

Reality is constructed of arbitrarily definable but, possibly, not completely indivisible components that interact with each other.

That's a mouthful.

Regardless, what I mean is this. Reality, as a whole, is constructed of components that make up larger entities and, even though at times we may not be able to see all the gears that make up this clockwork, we can definitely count on the fact that there are parts to it that will make it tick. Some parts we would label to be distinct from others. We may say that gear itself is a unique part of the framework but, in the end, it is arbitrarily chosen through our conscious belief in similarity and, probably more important, dissimilarity. Half of the gear is not seen as it's own component. No, the entire gear is seen as the component. The gear and a shaft are not seen as one component. No, these two are easily taken apart, one replaced without the other if the need arises and it is not seen as replacing part of a whole. Even it was, that would be arbitrarily defined. So, you see, in this way, I see our reality as being constructed by arbitrarily defined, but, potentially, not completely indivisible parts.

Furthermore, I would venture to say, as we have looked at in a previous post, the mere existence of an entity (existor) to another entity (existee) can have an effect upon the existee and, therefore, any form that the existor takes with its existence, sometimes denoted as an action or state, may have an effect upon the existee. We commonly perceive this in the temporal realm of existence to denote change and, through the assumption I have stated, this is implied to be possible. The existor interacts with the existee and, potentially, vice-versa. To go back to the clockwork example, the gears themselves will turn, making other gears turn within the clock, making not only the existee (the primary mover) change but also the existor (the reactor to the primary mover) change as well.

Finally, I want to make sure that I go back to my original paragraph in this post, in case you are starting to think that I consider the universe to be clockwork. That's not what I'm saying at all and I would rather not box myself into that assumption given the results of that scientific study. In a later post, we will actually see that the question of free will has little relevance in the grand scheme of things but that's for another time.

Until then, I wish you the best in your philosophical inquiries and please post any comments or questions you may have about what's in here. I would love any feedback.