Humble Thyself

I don't know what I'm doing. There, I said it.

There have been quite a few changes over the past couple of weeks and I'm still picking up the pieces from the whirlwind.

I've moving on from my job of 3 years to a new position tomorrow. I've looked over the tools that I'll be using for the job and, while they're quite nice, I can tell it's going to be a challenge and change of pace from what I'm used to. I'm excited about the prospect of something new but, at the same time, terrified that when it comes down to it, I'll crash and burn for days or weeks to come.

Was this the right move? Only time will tell.

I quit being a Youth Counselor to redouble my efforts on Service Projects.

I may not have spoken about this before on this blog but I've taken a survey of a good lot of congregants to get information on their connections to service-oriented organizations and activities as well as skills, needs, and/or desires to participate or spearhead service opportunities. I've been sitting on this pile of data and I fear that I have been paralyzed into inaction. Luckily, a friend of mine has been kind enough to brainstorm next steps with me next weekend. I just hope we start something good.

This evening was the first evening I spent as an ex-Counselor. I've had a lot of time to think about things and one thought that keeps coming back to me is how much I miss those kids. You'll probably never get a "thank you" out of any of them in their teen years but there are times, if just for a moment or two, where you know that they love you. Those moments have filled me with such hope for the future and such joy to be alive that you can't even begin to full comprehend it until you've worked with kids yourself.

And I want to give that up?

I believe deeply in this cause. I want to belong to a church that has its eyes set on God and its heart set on others because that's what I think God wants of us.

But still, am I doing the right thing? I guess I'll find out.

How can I be okay with that? With so many possibilities and chances for things to go terribly wrong, with so many questions left unanswered, how can I possibly be calm taking these leaps?

One of my favorite Christian songs has been Humble Thyself in the Sight of the Lord. The lyrics are quite simple: "Humble thyself in the sight of the Lord and He shall lift you up." It's a direct quote of James 4:10 and, while it's a simple little thing, it speaks volumes to me in these situations.

There's a certain kind of arrogance that comes with complete certainty, whether it be in a situation or within one's self.

Now, what do I mean by that? I would like to believe that I have everything under control. I would love to believe that what I'm doing makes sense and always makes sense to me. Nothing would satisfy my sinful nature more than to believe that I can know everything that will unfold before me or even who I am in total. However, I don't think that God wants that for me.

While I'm not trying to say that God wants to keep me in the dark about what to do next or what I truly am capable of, I do think there's a certain level of uncertainty that can be healthy to personal development. I've found that, most times, I learn more from my mistakes than from me successes. At the same time, I should learn to trust that the Ultimate Reality really knows what He's doing. If I begin to distrust the Ultimate Reality, then I begin to separate myself from Him.

In situations like these, as hard as it might be, I think that my best option is to humble myself and trust that the Lord will lift me up. I mean, what else can I do? What else would I even want to do? Nothing. Apart from Him I can do nothing so that's what I'll do: humble myself.