The Necessity of Extremism

We've just come out of the season of Lent which, for many people, means becoming a pescatarian on Fridays or giving up sweets every day for 40 days. As for me, I'm married to a vegetarian so giving up meat would not be much of a sacrifice and, since I have a huge sweet tooth, I think giving up sweets would be more of a punishment than a fast, which is something that Jesus freed us from in the first place. I mean, the good Lord wants us to grow during Lent, not just be in complete and utter misery the entire time.

The fast that I undertook during Lent was from personal consumption of media. What this meant to me was that for the 40 days of Lent, I would not read news articles, play games on my smartphone, listen to podcasts, watch YouTube videos, scroll through Facebook or even read a book outside of the Bible unless I was doing so with another person. Instead, I needed to spend my time doing other things and, surprisingly, I was able to fill most of my time with valuable things. I practiced guitar a lot. I read through the minor prophets and several of Paul's Epistles. I even started making very minor forays into eating better (barring all the sweets, of course). All that being said, there were times when I really did not want to come home from work because I knew what was awaiting me: an empty apartment with only my creativity to guide me. Luckily, most days during Lent were filled with time spent with other people so I wasn't too bored when I didn't have the mental energy to be productive.

It wasn't the easiest thing I have ever done but I do believe it was necessary. For a long time, I have known that I spend too much of my time consuming media in one form or another. It had gotten to the point where I was checking Facebook constantly in my spare time, never leaving my mind a moment to stop and think about anything other than what was staring back at me on my little screen as I scrolled through countless posts about "Trump is dumb" or "Liberals will hate this" or, the worst of all, cute animal videos. Don't get me wrong, teaching your dog to tango with you is very impressive but there are much better ways that I should be spending my time than watching you perform.

Through Lent and now past Easter, there has been a resounding lesson that I believe is being slowly ingrained into my mind: I need to live my life in a much more extreme way.

Running away

I've been reading through the book of Matthew with a neighbor of mine. Frankly, doing a one-on-one Bible study wasn't something I had ever done before so it's been an interesting experience. He's quite a bit older so it's been fascinating to hear him tell stories about what life has thrown his way. One of the passages we read recently comes from Matthew 18:1-9:

At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, "Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" He called a child, whom he put among them, and said, "Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever becomes humble like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.

"If any of you put a stumbling block before one of these little ones who believe in me, it would be better for you if a great millstone were fastened around your neck and you were drowned in the depth of the sea. Woe to the world because of stumbling blocks! Occasions for stumbling are bound to come, but woe to the one by whom the stumbling block comes!

"If your hand or your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away; it is better for you to enter life maimed or lame than to have two hands or two feet and to be thrown into the eternal fire. And if your eye causes you to stumble, tear it out and throw it away; it is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and to be thrown into the hell of fire."

Typically, when you read this set of verses in modern translations, the first and second paragraphs are separated by a subtitle that reads something like "Temptation to Sin" or "Causing to Stumble" but I think it's important to see the full context in which Jesus is speaking. His disciples have just asked him about the greatest in the kingdom of God and he sees through the question immediately to the root behind the question: their desire for honor and/or power in the "kingdom of heaven." So, he begins his response with a lesson on humility, using a child as an example. It's important to note, though, that he doesn't stop there. Jesus continues on with a lesson on how they need to act towards one another and, especially, towards those who will look up to them as mentors but this isn't a new lesson, it's further detail on how he expects his disciples to be humble: by not being a stumbling block to others.

Finally, at the end of this section, comes one of the most extreme verses you will see in the Bible: one that tells of self-mutilation to avoid hellfire. Now, while I am certain there has probably been some denomination of Christianity that has taken this literally and end up without eyes or hands, I don't believe this is what Jesus is trying to get across. He's talking about something that Paul echoes in his first letter to the Corinthians when he tells the church to flee from sexual immorality.

It is not enough to simply not be prideful in order to claim humility. It is not enough to simply look the other way when it comes to self-destruction.

In order to live a good and fulfilling life, we must learn to run. We must run away from that which has the potential to destroy our souls. We must run towards that which will bring us life. We must run towards perfection.

To live to the fullest, we must run.

How to Breathe

I'm back to listening to podcasts and none to soon. When Easter arrived, I had collected 42 hours of podcasts on my phone, so much so that it was starting to complain about potentially running out of memory. In my efforts to burn through some hours, I listened to an episode of the RobCast (a podcast by Rob Bell) entitled An Introduction to 3rd Way. I highly recommend listening to the episode and listening to his podcast in general. He can get a little, let's say, "out there" some times and he isn't the best at interviewing but I find that there's a lot of truth in many of the things that he says.

In this particular episode, he was talking about a way of dealing with injustice that is neither passive nor retributive. Instead, he talks about how we need to be subversive in a way that helps the oppressor realize their own humanity as well as the humanity of the individual they are oppressing. As an example, you can look to non-violent resistance movement tactics such as hunger strikes or sit-ins. These particular examples are used to shame the oppressor into rethinking the injustice but there are other ways to achieve the same end of non-violent, inclusive subversion. What they all share in essence is this ability to use the injustice as a way to fight the injustice and, in this way, it's a kind of power that the oppressed possesses.

I find this kind of way to approach the world difficult to do and fascinating to think about. What makes it even more compelling is when it's paired with the idea of total depravity.

By total depravity, I'm not claiming that the TULIP model of looking at the world is completely correct. However, I would venture to say that the kind of humility that comes with the realization that we are all but indebted to our Creator for our very life is a very powerful humility. This is what should drive each one of us to live in a way that takes everything that is given, whether it is a blessing or a curse, and turn it into something life-giving.

In order to live a good and fulfilling life, we must learn how to breathe. Some may try to choke us with hatred but we know that our first breathe was given in love so we must breathe love out.  Some may try to choke us with pain but we know that our second breathe was given in forgiveness so we must breathe forgiveness out. Some may try to choke us with condemnation but we know that our final breathe will be given in mercy so we must breathe mercy out.

To live to the fullest, we must breathe.

Extremism

When I was in college, I began to form this idea of what I referred to as the "fighting neutral," something I may have mentioned before. It's the underlying subtext for a lot of the ways I see reasonable people interacting with the world so I know that it can't be new but I don't know what another name for it is. You'll forgive me for my ignorance, right?

I look around the political landscape and I see these opposing sides yelling at each other and all I want to do is cover my ears until the screaming stops. When those who are at these extremes stop yelling at one another, those who want a viewpoint that is as neutral as possible can join the conversation and talk some sanity into the discussion. In order to get these neutral voices heard, they needed to fight these extreme voices with logic, reason, and basic human decency.

It's becoming more and more apparent to me that this isn't how the world currently works because it assumes that everyone agrees there is objective truth and value to all human life, which, if you've paid any attention to the news lately, is clearly not something we all assume. However, I still do have hope that, some day, logic, reason and basic human decency will win out but I think it's going to take a bit more extreme of measures than I had first envisioned over ten years ago.

I think it's going to take more than just speaking to others with humility. I think it's going to take making every word we speak one of grace, by which I mean the very breath that comes out of our mouths becomes a self-sacrificial gift to others.

I think it's going to take more than showing basic human decency. I think it's going to take showing our enemies love that is reflective of the Gospel of John: "No greater love has a man than this: that he lay down his life for his friends"


If we can learn how to breathe and how to run, we can live our lives to the fullest.

My Dad

It's been a while since I posted anything and this is going to be a little off-topic from my usual blog posts but here we go. No deep abstract philosophy. No probing into the nature of reality. No, today I thought I would take a little time to talk about my father and why I think he's a great dad.

Father's Day is tomorrow and it's hard to imagine an occasion better suited to this topic than that. Also, my father's father passed away a couple weeks ago so the whole "fatherhood" thing has been on my mind. Not that I want to be a father myself (I have no plans on doing that) but just ideas of what makes a good dad.

'Tis a gift to be simple

I come from a very simple family. I don't that mean that in a derogatory sense. By simple, I mean that my family doesn't have complex, long-standing points of drama or tension between family members. By simple, I mean that we don't need a lot of stuff to keep us together and entertained. By simple, I mean that we have a clear notion of what's important: family.

Now, don't hear me wrong on this. I didn't say that we never have tension or drama in our family. That happens from time to time but we know and love one another so it fades into the background. I didn't say that we're minimalists who shun every earthly possession in pursuit of some higher form of spiritual being. I have a hard time imagining that being the case with anyone of my siblings or my parents. However, we don't put a lot of stock in "stuff." We're not obsessed with owning the latest and greatest thing or keeping up with the Joneses. I didn't say that we have no other aspirations in life other than family but, far and away, it's family that comes first before yourself.

Why is this? It's due, at least in part, to my father.

Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth

I hate conflict. There's not a good way around saying it other than to just say it: I hate conflict. Just the idea that there's something that I disagree with someone on and I have to deal with it in some way just drives me crazy. There's this welling up of anxiety within me knowing that a moment of disagreement is coming and it's all that I can do to stand there to talk it through.

One thing that I've learned from my father is that you need to have the patience to make peace. By that, I don't mean that he's a great diplomat of some sort but, if there's something or someone that you truly care about, you'll do whatever it takes to make sure that it stays intact and grows. No matter how much you hate your current situation, if there's something that needs to be done and you're the only one to do it, then, by God, you do it.

How does my dad accomplish this? Through the power of meekness. Now, I know what some of you are thinking: "Isn't meekness that same thing as being a pushover?" If you knew my father, you would see what meekness looks like and you would understand the strength and wisdom of it.

I'm taking this a little out of context but consider Jeremiah 17:8

They will be like a tree planted by the water
    that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
    its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
    and never fails to bear fruit.

This is the power of meekness. Meekness is like a tree planted by the water. It doesn't completely disregard the scorching heat of trial but it realizes that the heat will only last so long and pushes through without complaint. It doesn't despair over the lack of resource in a bad year but it realizes that this too shall pass and pushes on, as best as it can. Meekness is not being too weak or amicable to take action. Quite the contrary. A meek man sees what is before him and says "How can I resolve to make life better for others, even at cost to myself." A meek man uses his strength and wisdom, not for his own gain, but for the benefit of those he loves. In this way, my dad is a meek man.

This is one of the ways I idolize my dad. This is a man who worked tirelessly for years to provide the best he could for his family and still does for his grandchildren. This is a man who, without question, does what he can to support me in all my endeavors, whether they were completely silly (like theater or football) or very wise (like majoring in computer science or graduate school). This is a man who doesn't speak much but, when he does, his words carry with them a weight that is undeniable. This is a man whose work ethic is the only reason that great things can be achieved. This is a man who knows what it means to have character and integrity because he exudes character and integrity. This is a man who asks little and expects little but will move mountains to get things done for the ones he loves.

This is why I want to strive for meekness because I have seen the fruits of its labor and I know that it is good.

This is why drama between family members cannot stand. This is why possessions are not held in high regard. This is why we know that family is important. It's this meekness that stands on the shoulders of this deep love we have for one another. It's this ability to make peace and make due. It's this calm demeanor and selfless nature that makes this possible.

I say all this to say, my dad's a pretty great dad and, while I don't want to do the job that he does, I want to grow up and have the same strength of will and quality of character as he has.

Happy Father's Day!

On Loving Thy Neighbor

Luke 10:36-37 - "Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of the robbers?" The expert in the law replied, "The one who had mercy on him." Jesus told him, "Go and do likewise."

I've been thinking about writing this for quite some time. It's not everyday that I get a chance to sit down and really write out my thoughts so I think that, on a rainy day like today, I should seize the opportunity while I can. More than that, it seems like the world has been conspiring against me to prevent me from actually putting pen to paper (or, more accurately, bits to hard drives). It's probably a good thing because it gives me a while to stew on things and rewrite my line of thinking over and over again.

I think it goes without saying that there is a lot of hate in the world today. Whether it's a fear of the unknown and strange, a lack of personal security, or any other source of venomous vitriol that stirs the conscious mind to harbor feelings of anxiety, fear, and hatred, the consequences of this state of being are quite clear: oppression, destruction, and death. We can run on for a long time but sooner or later what is sown will be reaped.

As any wise man will tell you, the only way out is to acknowledge failings, turn away from hatred, and make amends with your neighbors. The three R's: realize, repent, and reconcile.

We know this and yet it is so easy to fall prey to tribalism. It is so easy to turn a reasonable discussion on differing opinions into an "us vs them" free-for-all. It is so easy to turn personal opinions into distinguishing factors between who is my enemy and who is my friend. It is so easy to forget who my neighbor is.

Let's take a look at a couple of current examples.

Sexual Orientation Discrimination vs Religious Freedom

If you haven't been made aware of the Indiana law known as the Religious Freedom Restoration Act, then you either don't live in the US or need to spend less time thinking about the color of dresses. Depending on your political leaning, this law can either be seen as an honorable way to help a florist with deeply-held religious convictions not be burdened with guilt when they are forced to go against those religious convictions or as a deplorable way to help bigoted business owners discriminate against people whose lifestyles they disagree with. I have heard both sides of this debate cry out about being persecuted. I have heard liberal commentators and conservative pastors alike bemoan the current state of our nation and prophesize that it will only get worse.

Some of the most respectable people I know, indeed, even some of my personal heroes are homosexual. On the flip-side, people of great spiritual fortitude, whose opinion I revere and respect, would give (and have given) high praise to the ideals of RFRA.

Who, then, is my neighbor?

As-Salamu Alaykum vs ISIS

I cannot begin to express how deplorable I think the acts of violence that ISIS has committed are. I shutter to think of the depravity that a man's mind must fall into to believe, wholeheartedly, that God, the great sustainer and restorer of the universe, condones random acts of violence in His name. A god that tells you that truly and literally that hating your fellow man is not only permissible but necessary is not a god worth serving.

However, the question arises: Is this the fruit of Islam?

Personally, I believe the answer is a resounding no. I am not so disillusioned by my current surroundings in a loving environment to forget about the planks in the eye of every world religion, including my own. If ISIS is the fruit of Islam, then the Crusades are a fruit of Christianity. If terrorism is the fruit of Islam, then Stalinism is the fruit of Atheism. Let the major world religion without a group of corrupted individuals in it throw the first stone.

Some of the most peaceable people I know are Muslims. Some of the most violent people I know claim Christianity as their own.

Who, then, is my neighbor?

Cutters vs Healers

Recently, I started driving a woman to church when she needed some help doing so. Before you think well of me, you must know that this was not my own idea, it has happened only a handful of times, and, when I started, the idea of it made me very uncomfortable. Here was a woman who enjoyed life to the fullest and wildest in her younger days and, now, she worked at a fast-food restaurant and couldn't afford to get her car fixed just yet. Working for a fast-food restaurant myself in high school, I had a general stereotype for grown adults that did this kind of job that was none too positive.

She's been quite talkative on our long hauls to church. After all, it takes us a good half hour to get there so sitting in silence would be quite awkward. In one of our trips she talked about the previous day at work.

She was working at the register when a teenage girl and her mother came up to the counter wanting to order some food. They exchanged a few words to get the order in and, for a moment during this time, she noticed that the girl had self-inflicted cuts all down her arm. She didn't say anything immediately but she knew, right then and there, that she needed to do something.

After the food was prepared, she decided to go deliver the food herself to the young woman. When she got to the table, this woman discretely laid a hand on the girl's cut arm (as to not raise an alarm with her mother) and made her realize her value through the words she spoke to her. Afterwards, the young woman came up to the counter and thanked her profusely for this small act of kindness. The two exchanged phone numbers and began a dialog with one another. In this way, they found worth in one another. In this way, healing can truly begin.

Sowing seeds

When it all comes down to it, we all have choices we need to make. When you plant corn, you shouldn't expect squash. When you plant soy beans, you shouldn't expect strawberries. When you plant the seeds of hatred, you shouldn't expect to reap a full harvest of love and devotion. It is true that tribes can (and do) form around ideas of hatred and insulate themselves so much that they only love one another but, in the end, this will only lead to mutually-assured destruction.

There are those who cut and those who heal. There are those who make war and those who make peace. There are those who build walls and those who build bridges.

Who, then, is my neighbor?

On Having and Raising Children

Normally, when I write these posts, I like to start off with a brief introduction but, today, I just want to get down to brass tacks.

1. "Parent" is, and should be, an honored title

I'm a fairly independent person and I enjoy my freedom immensely. I cannot imagine what kind of stress and dedication it takes to be a parent. From the instant they're born, children are demanding. Babies cry in the middle of the night and need constant attention. Children are a little more independent but, ultimately, they still need to watched constantly to ensure they don't hurt themselves or others. Teenagers, in so many cases, revolt against their parents before seeking their own way in life. And, if you're lucky, they don't move back in after you send them out to college.

Yet, I hear from parents time and time again, that there's nothing in the world like being a parent. Yes, there are hard times but, in the end, it's worth it to have someone you love and care about so deeply. Being a parent presents one with a perspective on love that is difficult to find anywhere else in life. To truly know what it means to joyfully sacrifice yourself for someone else is a concept that parents come to realize in time and, for that, the title of "parent" is an honored title, and rightfully so.

2. The success of a marriage and a woman's self-worth should not be defined by having or raising children

As a married man, I find this increasingly irritating.

I would think that, as a society, we would have come to a place in time in which choosing to not have children would be socially acceptable. While it most definitely is not the case that my wife or myself will be publicly rebuked or shamed for actively pursuing lives outside of reproduction but we get the not-so-subtle hints about how we are living life wrong. Of course, no one would ever admit to doing such a thing. It would be uncouth to make such implications but this happens all the time.

The success of a marriage (if this is even somehow quantifiable) is not dependent upon having or raising children. Don't get me wrong. I am certain that there are marriages out there that would never have survived or thrived were it not for the hardships endured through raising children. I am certain that a successful marriage for certain people includes having children and/or raising children. All that I'm saying is that it is not a necessity to a successful marriage. My wife and I are quite content to live out our lives together without the pitter patter of little feet. I know of a handful of couples who, for medical reasons, cannot reproduce. To say that "they don't deserve each other because they can't have children of their own" is abhorrent. I fail to the see how making a conscious choice to not have children is much different.

A woman's self-worth is not defined by having or raising children. I understand that in times past, there was this stereotype of a woman being barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen (that somehow has become working, pregnant, and in the kitchen) but, call me crazy, I think my wife is worth quite a bit more than that. Again, don't get me wrong on this. I'm not saying that being a stay-at-home mom (or dad) is a bad thing. I think having a wise and loving body at home is a wonderful thing for a developing young mind. I'm not saying that a woman shouldn't find worth in having children because, as I said before, it's an blessing and an honor. All I wish to say is that it should not necessarily be part of what defines a woman's self-worth.


I love my wife. I love her deeply. When I see or hear about people making implications about her self-worth because of our (not just "her" or "my" but "our") choice to not have children, it makes me quite angry. Now, I'm not a violent person and, in fact, if someone tried to take me on in a fight, I probably wouldn't stand a chance but I will defend my wife with every fiber of my being and every breath in my lungs. I'm not trying to threaten anyone, just raising awareness of the issue at hand.

3. Consider adoption

This is somewhat of a left turn but this has been something on my mind when thinking about having or raising children. If you're thinking about having children, I would urge you to give prayerful thought to adoption. It's estimated that there are 143 - 210 million orphans worldwide, over 14 million age-out of adoption systems. That's about 1 sixteen-year-old, someone who grew up without a loving mother or father, going into the world alone about every 2 seconds. To me, statistics like that are just mind-boggling and heart-breaking.

Again, don't take this as a criticism of those who want to have children of their own. With so many children already out there who need someone to love them, I would just ask that you consider the alternative thoroughly before proceeding.

If my wife and I ever felt that having a child was right for us, this would most likely be the route we would pursue. I don't say that out of self-righteousness but out of lacking the ability to turn a blind-eye.

Who knows though. Maybe someday through some miraculous accident, I'll be a father. For those of you taking bets, though, I wouldn't count on it.

On Rationality and Spirituality

As the title of this blog post might lead you to believe, I have been thinking about rationality and spirituality lately. Between the ridiculous show piece that was the Ham vs Nye debate, listening to an audio book version of A Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawking I got from the library (curiously enough, you can find the exact version of the audio book I'm listening to on YouTube as well though I'm not sure if it is a legal version), reading an assortment of essays on the Einstein's Theories of Relativity and Gravitation by James Malcolm Bird, and a discussion I had with my small group about the topic, it's easy to see why science and religion has been on the forefront of my mind.

I've debated whether or not to talk about this on my blog. I think there are certain subjects that must be carefully treaded when discussing them and I don't want anyone to lose faith because of the manner in which I discuss them. So, if you are reading this, please read through to the very end before drawing conclusions, either positive or negative, about the implications of this post. With that being said, I feel like I can freely say the following fact about myself:

Were it not for my personal experiences, I would be agnostic.

That's a packed statement so let me unload a few of the pieces.

I cannot conceive of a world in which I would ever be an atheist.

Earlier today, I read an article entitled Is Atheism Irrational?. The mere title of the article was clearly meant to invoke a response (at the time this post was written, the number of comments on the article was reaching 1000) and I don't agree with all of the arguments the interviewee put forth but the general argument against atheism in favor of agnosticism I agree with. If you don't feel like reading the article (or potentially read the arguments in a different way than I did), the argument between atheism and agnosticism is argument between whether or not there is sufficient evidence suggesting that no God exists or, rather, that the leap of faith from agnosticism to atheism relies on believing (a) the absence of evidence of the existence of God is conclusive enough to point to evidence of God's absence and (b) there is enough evidence of God's absence to conclusively point to His non-existence. From an intellectual standpoint and were I agnostic, I cannot conceive of a world in which someone could argue well-enough to convince me of point (a) let alone point (b). I'm sure plenty of my atheist friends will gladly point me in the right direction though.

Intellectually, I can conceive of a world in which the governing laws of nature produced our physical universe without supernatural help.

Quite obviously based on my reading of recent days you can see where this is could be coming from. However, I have long held this belief. There have been many times in my life when I struggled to acknowledge this fact to myself but, in the end, I feel like I cannot abandon my intellect to blind faith. Did God create the world in 7 days? Did He use evolution to do it? Was He there at all? Where does morality come from? Why is there evil in the world? Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes when he had the chance? Silliness aside, there are a lot of deep metaphysical, philosophical, and theological questions that I have wrestled with and heard arguments on and I must say that, from a purely intellectual standpoint, I find the arguments for and against the existence of God as made evident in the world around us to be just as convincing.

From an experiential standpoint, I cannot deny the existence of God.

Recently, I was listening to a set of lectures on Kierkegaard's Relevance to the Contemporary Church by Stephen Evans and there was a particular point of Kierkegaard's works that Dr. Evans brought to my attention that I think is of relevance here: Kierkegaard viewed most modern men as being emotionally underdeveloped.

What does that mean? When hearing the term "emotion," I think most people think of a fleeting feeling or some other transient state of being. However, according to Dr. Evans, the claim that Kierkegaard is making in his works is speaking to deeper emotions like Love (not infatuation), Hope (not wishful-thinking) or even, if I may be so bold, Forgiveness (not willful-ignorance) in an almost incommunicable way, a way that can only be fully understood when experienced. Kierkegaard is of the opinion that modern man has placed too much effort on the advancement of the intellect to the subjugation of personal identity and humanity.

This analysis speaks volumes to me. As much as my mind may like to separate from my soul, it lives its existence intertwined with it (and, I believe, it is all the better for it). Time and time again, I know that God has touched my life. Now, you may call me crazy for saying that or you may try to explain it away with something about neurological impulses triggering responses in my brain and, were I purely an intellectual being, I might believe either explanation. However, there is something there that I cannot fully explain in words that makes me believe that it cannot just be my physical brain playing tricks on me.

It's these personal moments that drives my belief in something greater than myself, in God Himself. It's not something that can be proved or argued but I something I just know to be.

So, for all of you who sit on the fence of agnosticism, I'll pray for you, for God to touch your life the way He's touched mine and for you to be truly open to experiencing Him. For all of you who truly believe that there is no God to pray to, I'll pray even more for you to experience what God can offer and I truly hope your soul can be as open as your mind.

Humble Thyself

I don't know what I'm doing. There, I said it.

There have been quite a few changes over the past couple of weeks and I'm still picking up the pieces from the whirlwind.

I've moving on from my job of 3 years to a new position tomorrow. I've looked over the tools that I'll be using for the job and, while they're quite nice, I can tell it's going to be a challenge and change of pace from what I'm used to. I'm excited about the prospect of something new but, at the same time, terrified that when it comes down to it, I'll crash and burn for days or weeks to come.

Was this the right move? Only time will tell.

I quit being a Youth Counselor to redouble my efforts on Service Projects.

I may not have spoken about this before on this blog but I've taken a survey of a good lot of congregants to get information on their connections to service-oriented organizations and activities as well as skills, needs, and/or desires to participate or spearhead service opportunities. I've been sitting on this pile of data and I fear that I have been paralyzed into inaction. Luckily, a friend of mine has been kind enough to brainstorm next steps with me next weekend. I just hope we start something good.

This evening was the first evening I spent as an ex-Counselor. I've had a lot of time to think about things and one thought that keeps coming back to me is how much I miss those kids. You'll probably never get a "thank you" out of any of them in their teen years but there are times, if just for a moment or two, where you know that they love you. Those moments have filled me with such hope for the future and such joy to be alive that you can't even begin to full comprehend it until you've worked with kids yourself.

And I want to give that up?

I believe deeply in this cause. I want to belong to a church that has its eyes set on God and its heart set on others because that's what I think God wants of us.

But still, am I doing the right thing? I guess I'll find out.

How can I be okay with that? With so many possibilities and chances for things to go terribly wrong, with so many questions left unanswered, how can I possibly be calm taking these leaps?

One of my favorite Christian songs has been Humble Thyself in the Sight of the Lord. The lyrics are quite simple: "Humble thyself in the sight of the Lord and He shall lift you up." It's a direct quote of James 4:10 and, while it's a simple little thing, it speaks volumes to me in these situations.

There's a certain kind of arrogance that comes with complete certainty, whether it be in a situation or within one's self.

Now, what do I mean by that? I would like to believe that I have everything under control. I would love to believe that what I'm doing makes sense and always makes sense to me. Nothing would satisfy my sinful nature more than to believe that I can know everything that will unfold before me or even who I am in total. However, I don't think that God wants that for me.

While I'm not trying to say that God wants to keep me in the dark about what to do next or what I truly am capable of, I do think there's a certain level of uncertainty that can be healthy to personal development. I've found that, most times, I learn more from my mistakes than from me successes. At the same time, I should learn to trust that the Ultimate Reality really knows what He's doing. If I begin to distrust the Ultimate Reality, then I begin to separate myself from Him.

In situations like these, as hard as it might be, I think that my best option is to humble myself and trust that the Lord will lift me up. I mean, what else can I do? What else would I even want to do? Nothing. Apart from Him I can do nothing so that's what I'll do: humble myself.

Love [redacted] Thyself

I hate politics.

That may be a little strong. I don't really hate politics completely. I hate the bickering and staunch idealism that makes nothing happen. I hate the corruption that takes place, especially when its legal corruption.What I hate the most about politics is how it brings out some of the worst of human nature. I can think of a recent news story for probably each one of the seven deadly sins in some politician's life and it all stems from the one thing that makes capitalism and free markets work: selfishness.

That being said, socialism isn't exactly a great alternative. I may be doing a terrible job running my life but at least I get to decide how I want it ran through my own guiding principles, not some ideals impressed upon me by a group of individuals who decide what the common good is. Here again, it's so easy to fall into the trap of overwhelming selfishness.

Let's stop for a moment here and think about something that you may not have considered: why is selfishness something to be averted? Certainly, there have been quite a few people that have considered selfishness not only to be good but a virtue. How unimaginable that must be to think such things!

But, of course, it's not so simple.

Nietzsche, as misunderstood as he is (and I may be misunderstanding him now myself), brings up a good point in his book On the Genealogy of Morality. An eagle should not be held accountable for being a bird of prey. The eagle is seen as a symbol of strength and, to the contrary of what most in our culture would consider to be the right and appropriate action to take, must use its strength in the form of violence to survive. The Romans regarded this bird as a noble beast and, even in American culture today, it's seen a symbol of great pride. How can this be reconciled with our notion evil as it stems from violence and murder? How can we condemn this selfishness when it is necessary for survival?

Furthermore, we can have some form of gradation that says certain desires of the will are simply "self-serving" or for personal "self-interest" while others are truly selfish. Many people will argue that every action taken falls onto that gradation since every act of the will is, in one form or another, self-serving, be it blatantly obvious through the goal in mind or simply the pleasure of helping someone out. Therefore, every action undertaken, as it provides the one taking it with some conscious or unconscious reward or punishment-averted, is selfish. From this perspective, selfishness is not a virtue but it most certainly is not a vice.

So...
Selfishness is inherently wrong because it preys on the less fortunate?
Selfishness is inherently good because it is necessary for survival?
Selfishness is not inherently good or bad because everything we do has some selfish outcome?

If you've read this expecting an answer, you've come to the wrong place. I cannot answer which one is right or wrong for you because I think the question of the inherent right, wrong, or indifference of selfishness is a flawed question. The concern that needs to be addressed here is one of motive.

Instead, consider the following statement: You have to do what's right by you.

Oh, how I hate that phrase, probably because it's normally comes after a patronizing talk by someone who is either "much older and wiser than me" or has simply run out of helpful things to say. To anyone who says this to me, with the utmost sincerity and respect I must reply, "No, I do not and should not always do what's right by me."

I know it's taken me a while to get here but this is truly my main point in writing this piece and that is to quote the Apostle Paul: "[Love] is not self-seeking... It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." (that's from 1 Cor. 13 for those of you who haven't been to a wedding lately)

Consider with me the divorce rate in the world today. Now, I'm not saying that every marriage is ideal (I know mine can always use some work) but can you imagine how many fewer divorces there would be if people viewed love for one another in the same way that Paul views love? Imagine how many stronger couples there would be in the world today if they considered the true nature of love, which is not romance (sorry ladies but it's true), nor sex (sorry guys but it's true), nor some magical high that you feel as you live "happily ever after."

Love is the willingness to sacrifice yourself for betterment of another and expecting nothing from them in return.

Can love be selfish? In a way, yes. I do indeed feel much better about myself as a person when I sacrifice my needs for those that I love. However, I believe that the better observation here is that it's not self-seeking. The love that sacrifices for the betterment of another expecting nothing in return cannot, by very definition, be self-seeking and while human love cannot be perfect since the lover can always receive, as CS Lewis points out in his poignant but apologetically-awful book The Problem of Pain, we can rest well knowing that our love can be true to its purpose.

What more could you ask for?